Are Threesomes Good Or Bad For Relationships?

Is this a good idea?

Threesomes, both men and women can find themselves fantasizing on what it would be like to have an extra person in the bedroom. Sure, it sounds fun and exciting, plus a great way to add some spice into your sex life, but could it actually be damaging to your relationship?

I’ve heard some mixed opinions; I wouldn’t say there is a right or wrong answer. Some say it’s awesome and everyone should experience it at least once in their lifetime, and others say it has caused their relationships and some good friendships to go down the drain.

“Threesomes are great for relationships! They will either bring you closer or show you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be together.” explains Dianne Sikel, Sexpert and Intimacy and Communication Couch. ”They are great eye openers! Or can be a reason to quit drinking.” She continued saying, “Threesomes can be a source of fun and spice up a relationship that may be getting a bit boring. However, many people find threesomes to be a good idea during a night out while imbibing. Later to find out they are totally freaked out and beside themselves – overcome with extreme insecurity and jealousy”.

So what is some good advice?

First off, if you are the jealous type, it would benefit you to stay far away from this idea. Although it may seem like all fun and games, once you go down this road, there is no turning back. You may become hurt or resentful towards your partner if you find them paying more attention to the other person rather than yourself, causing you to feel left out and insecure.

Secondly, the idea has to be mutual. If it is your girlfriend or boyfriend who is pushing the idea, not yourself, this can also lead to some problems. If you can’t picture watching your partner pleasing someone else, it would be advised, for obvious reasons, not to have a threesome even if your main objective is to please your partner. As I said earlier, it can cause jealousy, which in the long run can deteriorate your relationship.

We also turned to Diane Spear, a psychotherapists and relationship expert, for her opinion on why it may damage your relationship. “I’ve had a number of couples over the years that tried threesomes and found it damaged their relationship over the long haul. While the sex was often exciting, it wrecked the intimacy by diluting the sexual energy of the couple and introduced fantasy, so that when it was “just” the couple, they were fantasizing about the third person, rather than truly connecting with the actual partner who was actually there. It became very difficult to have “regular” sex with their partner.”

It all sounds like a huge gamble to me. Remember, threesomes should not be taken lightly. A serious talk should take place between you and the person you want to experience this fantasy with about certain boundaries regarding what you do and don’t want the other person to do.  Also, figure out what both of you are expecting from the threesome. Have complete open communication considering the jealousy/ insecurity factors that may show up afterwards you all kick boots.

Good questions to ask ahead of time

Susan, someone who has been involved in multiple threesomes, shared some helpful questions to ask your partner that may help the two of you figure out exactly what you want from the threesome.

  • First off, “Are certain sexual acts out-of-bounds?
  • Will protection be used? If so, during which acts?
  • Is kissing allowed?
  • Is same-sex touching acceptable?
  • Is this going to be kept a secret from others?
  • Who is it OK to tell?
  • What happens in the event of a disease and/or pregnancy?
  • Do you ask for proof that a person is disease-free?
  • Is it OK to be openly affectionate in public if you run into each other in the future? What happens if one person feels uncomfortable and wants to stop (or not even start)?
  • Is this a one time thing only?
  •  Who decides (and when) it is going to happen again?
  • Is it OK if the third person and one of a couple see each other on their own in the future?
  • If there are kids involved – what will they know?
  • Will there be a code word? (I’m uncomfortable; please get me out of this.)

“I’ve been involved in successful ones and unsuccessful ones.” states Susan. The worst one was when the 3rd person left train tracks on the sheets and didn’t think it was a problem and didn’t want to attend to his hygiene.”

Gross! Hopefully if you do decide that you want have a ménage a trois, there won’t be any “accidents”.

What are some of your opinions? Have you had a threesome that helped your relationship or did it turn sour? Leave us your comments.

About the author  ⁄ Amy Hoglund

Amy is a Digital Content & Marketing Producer for The Daily Buzz. She was born and raised in NY, then migrated down to the Sun Shine State. Amy obtained her Bachelor's degree from the University of Central Florida, studying Communications. She love animals, food, a good book, and of course a delicious craft beer.

One Comment

  • Reply
    Andres
    August 2, 2013

    Well, first of all this report was all good, it has two points of view instead of only looking the pros or the cons. Even thought i’m still in the idea of having a threesome but guiding it by rules
    it’s me who wants it, not my partner but i told her that if this ever happens she will be the one
    setting the rules. Thank you very much. :)

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